The Bite Me school of thought has its roots in my youth. Anyone with doubts about this can contact my parents. They will be happy to confirm that fact, Iï¿œm sure.
Todayï¿œs incarnation has evolved from a general attitude into a litmus test of sorts, a test of oneï¿œs beliefs. Before delving into the nuts and bolts of the test, a few words about what goes into our beliefs.
What is it that makes some beliefs something weï¿œre willing to argue and fight for? There are two components at work hereï¿œhow strongly we believe weï¿œre correct and how important the belief is to us. The strength of the belief can vary widely, from the notion the feeling that something isnï¿œt quite right to the ironclad conviction some people have that the death penalty is absolutely immoral, or absolutely necessary. Likewise, the importance of the belief ranges between extremes.
It is important to note that strength and importance do not necessarily correspond to one another. For instance, I might believe with no doubt at all that granite countertops are superior to Formica ones. I might even find that this issue is of critical importance to my view of the world. It may be that I go around looking for people with a contrary position so I can convert them to the joys of granite. Let us say that you think my preference for granite is dead wrong, that Formica countertops are better in every way. Let us further say that despite this fact, you resist my attempts to engage you in debate about this issue. You find yourself asking, ￜWho cares?!ￜ The strength of your belief is equal to mine, but the importance of the issue is not. As such, it is not a belief youￜre willing to advocate in an argument.
This example serves to illustrate that there are two components that make up each of our beliefs. These ingredients measure the truth of a belief. If we were to express it in a formula, it would read:
Truth = Strength + Importance
Sometimes we find ourselves caught up in our beliefs. This can manifest itself as an argument with a close friend or an inability to shift our thinking as easily as we should. Whatever it looks like, holding tightly to a belief that isnï¿œt true is problematic at best, tragic at worst (Damaging a relationship beyond repair over an issue, only to realize later that it wasnï¿œt worth the cost can only be described as a tragedy).
Of course, there are some beliefs that are true enough that the potential costs are justified. The truer a belief is, the higher the price weï¿œre willing to pay for it. And this brings us back to the heart of the Bite Me Philosophy. It will serve as a test to see how true our beliefs are, how high a cost weï¿œre willing to pay for them.
The test consists of a series of theoretical exercises. We will picture ourselves having a heated discussion about one of our beliefs with someone we know well, and finally concluding with, ￜDonￜt like it? Bite me!ￜ Then, weￜll consider the consequences of that act, and determine if the belief is worth those consequences.
Of course, the repercussions depend on who we say that to, donï¿œt they? That’s why the subsequent steps of the test will apply this theoretical situation to more than one person.
Start out by thinking of your baselineￜthat is, someone who saying, ￜBite me!ￜ to would have few repercussions. This can be someone youￜre not very close to, though it doesnￜt have to be. For me, my friend Jeff is the baseline. Not because we arenￜt closeￜheￜs one of my best friendsￜbut because we have the kind of friendship where tossing off the occasional insult without any difficulty. If I say, ￜBite me!ￜ to Jeff, he flips me off and we continue about our business.
Now that youï¿œve established your baseline, jump to the other extreme. The top of the ladder is the person you can hardly conceive of saying these magic words to. The reason for your reluctance isnï¿œt important. It could be your spouse because you hate the idea of how that would make him or her feel, or your boss because youï¿œd be fired, or your mother because it would hurt her and your dad would kick your ass. The point is, this person is the BMGHP (Bite Me Grand High Poobah).
The endpoints of the Bite Me Ladder are firmly in place, but there are steps in between that need to be filled in. Go back to your baseline, and step it up one notch. This will be someone you could still say, ￜBite me!ￜ to, but there would be more serious consequences. This might be a sibling, a coworker, something along those lines. Once this person is established, continue filling people into your ladder.
The number of rungs in your ladder is up to you. It should certainly be at least five, and probably no more than eight or nine. The important thing to remember is that the steps need to be discrete. That is, there must be a noticeable distinction between the people on rungs three and four. Likewise, make sure that youï¿œre not jumping too far between steps. Visualize the ladder if youï¿œre having difficulty, and ask if you can get from one rung to the other without stumbling.
Once the ladder is established, youï¿œre ready to test your beliefs. Take one of them, think about it for a few minutes. Now, using your baseline, apply that belief to the theoretical situation described above. Really picture what would happen if you told that person to bite you. What would the consequences be? If youï¿œve picked your baseline properly, it shouldnï¿œt be more than a few minutes of awkwardness. Now, ask yourself the critical question: Is it worth it?
If the answer is yes, move to the next person in your ladder and do the same thing. Continue until the answer is no. When you reach that point, drop back down one rung on your mental ladder. Now youï¿œve established the truth of that belief. The higher you went before deciding it wasnï¿œt worth the consequence, the truer that belief is for you.
This becomes more valuable when you have something to compare it to, so you should test several of your beliefs in this way to provide a valid context for comparing beliefs. This gives you not only a snapshot of how important that particular belief is, but a growing portrait of all your beliefs, a way to see their relative importance.
So how does this help you? The practical benefit of the test is that it allows you to determine the truth of your beliefs before facing the consequences of telling someone close to you to bite you.
Beyond this, it provides a visual way to compare your beliefs. What does this portrait say to you? Do you find that the beliefs that are higher on the ladder are really the ones you should hold dear? If not, perhaps itï¿œs time to reevaluate them. Whatever you discover, youï¿œll be in a better position to make decisions about arguing for, and acting on, your beliefs.
