I’m really not one for New Year’s resolutions these days. It’s not that I dislike the idea of reflecting on the past little while and figuring out what to keep and what to change – indeed, I think that’s an incredibly important exercise. But doing so at the End of the Year seems too scripted for my tastes. I like to think that I can have this reflection and introspection without being tied to a particular date.
Still, there are a couple of things that have been ongoing for a while, things I’d like to continue to work on in the coming months. Some of them are personal enough that they’ll stay in my head (at least for now), but here are a few of them:
1. Write more. This one is simple enough – I have a few projects kicking around in my head, such as the Wisdom Unlooked-For essays, a couple of short stories that I want to finish, and some exercises in a writing book I got for Christmas. One way I’ll be measuring this is with a dated journal I picked up recently. It’s nothing fancy – just a page for each day of the year. I originally bought it with the intention of using it for a daily journal or some such, but I revisited that plan almost immediately. Instead of saying “Write a page a day,” I’m simply committing to filling the book up within 12 months. I’m three days “ahead” after the first two weeks, and I like the idea. Of course, only a portion of what I write is in that journal – some of what ends up at Green Scissors will start there, or letters, or snippets of stories, but certainly not all of it. Even so I’m pleased to have something measurable to look at.
2. Get in better shape. By this, I mean “a less round shape.” I’ve lost 10 pounds since Thanksgiving, which I’m rather pleased about. Of course, half of that was weight that I lost in the first couple of months of 2005 and subsequently regained, but we’ll take what we can get. As it is, I’m now about 10 pounds lighter now than I was the last time I said “Dammit, I need to lose weight.” So it’s a start, at least.
3. Continue working to be less cynical. Skepticism is one thing, but when I let that part of me have free rein, I descend into a dark mood that I have to really work to get out of. It’s not one of my better traits, to say the least. But I’m working on it, dammit. To wit: Last night, I got home at around 2am from a short trip to St. Louis to visit family for the new year. We had our annual White Elephant gift exchange, and I rang in the new year standing around a campfire with a plastic party hat on my head. It was a good time, and the trip home was also pleasant, as I spent approximately 4 ½ hours talking to a friend on the cell phone. That made the drive pass much more quickly. I made it home at about 2am with nary a problem from the car the whole way. Life was good…until I decided to go out to get a haircut this morning, that is. Two blocks down the road, the Check Engine light came on, the car started sputtering and when I popped open the hood and started it up again, I saw (yikes!) sparks jumping off the alternator. Now, my immediate thought was “Goddamn it, what a lousy time for this to happen!” About 3 seconds later, though, I realized that it was the PERFECT time. Two driving hours earlier, and it would have happened just after midnight with me about 130 miles from home. So I’m about as cheerful as I have ever been while having a mechanic look at my car.
Hm. And now they’ve called to report that they can’t replicate any of the problems I had, and when they took it out for a spin it ran perfectly. I am confused by this, but we’ll hope the same is true for me when I pick it up. Maybe the car just needed a little mechanic osmosis, rather like the computers I fix for friends and family.
So, it would appear that this list will remain incomplete for a bit. I’m off to start the day – three hours late but moving fast, as the saying goes.
Two weeks later
The weird thing is how well most of these nonresolutions are going. I lost a little steam on the writing front – not from a volume standpoint, but from a "finish something" standpoint. The problem is that I now have about 3/4 of three different essays done, and nary an ending point for any of them. My self-imposed deadline is Thursday to have one of them done and posted, at least.
In other news, the weight loss is actually proceeding apace. I’m down about 18 pounds since just before Thanksgiving, and while that’s not even the halfway mark for what I’d like to lose (To the math geniuses: yes, that means I was something like 45 pounds overweight two months ago. Dear god.), I’m very pleased so far. In the last week I actually managed to eat at a terrible Chinese buffet, go out for lunch with some work friends to this incredibly rich Italian joint, and make a home-cooked dinner with actual courses, and still lose three pounds. It’s almost as if I have discovered self-control, at least in the short term. Will wonders never cease?
And finally, the cynicism thing. This will always be a bit of a struggle, but I’m working on it. If nothing else, the car thing worked out fairly well – I had to spend some money after all, and it took two more days for the problem to get worked out (turns out it was just some moisture getting into the engine and screwing things up, but by the time I’d drive it the two blocks to the mechanic, the car had warmed up enough to make the water evaporate), but replacing the wires and plugs seems to have done the trick. I’ve thanked the car profusely for waiting until I was home to make its problems known to me.
And that’s about it for the forthnightly update. Interested readers, feel free to check in for more updates on my incredibly boring life in another couple of weeks.
End of the month
And now I’m down 21 lbs since Thanksgiving. I went to buy a pair of jeans yesterday and the first three pairs I tried on were way too big in the waist. It took a few minutes for the realization to dawn on me that I needed something a few inches -smaller- than I have been used to buying. This was happy.
Of course, after I checked out, I remembered that I could have just started wearing the old jeans in the back of my dresser, which are in quite good shape considering that I haven’t been able to wear them in nearly two years. Oops.
Time continues to pass
And two more milestones have been reached. For one, I actually called the local gym to inquire about a membership. I haven’t actually gone to DO anything about it, you understand, but I called. Things have slowed down somewhat on the weight loss front, probably because I’m close to the edge of what can be accomplished through my “Push my fat ass away from the table” approach. Still, I’ve lost something like 27 pounds since November. I realized with some startlement yesterday that I now have the minimum number of chins (1).
The second milestone is that I now actually weigh two pounds -less- than what my driver’s license claims. This is a strange and bizarre feeling.
On the writing front, it’s hit or miss. I’ve stalled out on a few projects (this is the story of my life) but for sheer volume, I’m doing better. I’ve been updating my livejournal with some regularity, and the dead tree journal I picked up at the beginning of the year is coming along. Of course, I can’t let anyone see it because it’s a combination of half-finished essays, personal journal entries and a whole lot of snippets that are best left unseen by anyone (*cough*). Still, words on paper are good, and we’ll take what we can get.
The ides of March
Okay, it’s the day after the Ides of March, but I’ve been running late a lot lately. We take what we can get.
I’m not sure whether to believe my scale or not, honestly. If it is to be believed, I’ve lost 32 pounds now. I’m wearing both of my belts on their tightest notch, which is gratifying enough. I’m not seeing any difference with these last few pounds – again, this is because I am a lazy fucker who can’t be troubled to go to the gym or anything. I really need to commit to doing that, but it’s so much easier to sleep for an extra hour in the mornings instead. I am pathetic.
Midpoint
Since November, I’ve lost nearly 40 pounds, and for the last 3 months I have been going to the gym fairly regularly – averaging about 3.5 visits per week. I am not quite where I want to be weight-wise yet, but I’m within 15 pounds and that’s a hell of an improvement.
I think I can probably measure this progress in terms of how much money I’ve spent on clothes. The purposefully-tight jeans I bought for an event in February are now large enough on me that I can’t wear them without tightening my (two month old) belt to its tightest setting.